ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
you’re stuck.
as hard as they try they cannot remove you from this prison
why can’t they help you? why can’t you remember how to get up?
oh.
you don’t want to move.
you like it here.
here you can feel
you can see your breath in the cold, it is an unkind reminder that you’re still alive
drowning in the misery is so pleasant to the soul
there’s relief in that discomforting wind that seems to cut away at your skin
stay here.
if you go into the warm your frozen tears will melt, and you will remember sorrow
stay here.
mercy be thy angel, for you truly believe God’s grace has left you
as hard as they try they cannot remove you from this prison
why can’t they help you? why can’t you remember how to get up?
oh.
you don’t want to move.
you like it here.
here you can feel
you can see your breath in the cold, it is an unkind reminder that you’re still alive
drowning in the misery is so pleasant to the soul
there’s relief in that discomforting wind that seems to cut away at your skin
stay here.
if you go into the warm your frozen tears will melt, and you will remember sorrow
stay here.
mercy be thy angel, for you truly believe God’s grace has left you
![[OPEN] - White Wolf-(5)](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/85402926-1786-47c5-aa82-d6f2e29275dd/dgowcjd-1bf10bab-0dc2-4ba6-a663-1c6803456d01.jpg/v1/fill/w_311,h_400,q_70,strp/_open____white_wolf__5__by_dnataoai_dgowcjd-400t.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTAyOSIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzg1NDAyOTI2LTE3ODYtNDdjNS1hYTgyLWQ2ZjJlMjkyNzVkZFwvZGdvd2NqZC0xYmYxMGJhYi0wZGMyLTRiYTYtYTY2My0xYzY4MDM0NTZkMDEuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTgwMCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.Qc0YWNFVsHvx-kI_IS8UImQJUgisLZoOMvu8UU2asKQ)
Just a little something I scraped up from the past as my first deviation. Enjoy!
© 2013 - 2024 reckless-insomniac
Comments6
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
%PoeticalCondition critique
drowning in the misery is so pleasant to the soul
drowning in misery
if you go into the warm your frozen tears will melt, and you will remember sorrow
go into the warmth
Apart from that, I feel that italizing and bolding some portions in this poem would help in the emphasis of the overall portions in it. Its a good poem, mind you, and I found that it stands well in itself. But italizing and bolding portions will make it much better.
Like the sentence "oh" could become oh! for instance; and "you like it here" could become "you like it here!". Work on the words which need emphasis (they should be italized) and the words which should be given some bluntness and stressed persistence (they should be bolded).
All in all, well done.